SC312 The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write
by King Zasalamel
Summary: The first ever Soul Calibur Afterparty. You know you want to know what you're favourite character gets up to.Chp 7 Nightmare's Stag party you wish your stag party was this awesome .
1. Chapter 1 Welcome to the Party

Soul Calibur 3-1/2 The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write

Disclaimer- I do not own Soul Calibur 3 or any of the characters that are in the game, this is my tribute to a great game. I paid good money for the game and I'm not making a cent from this.

At the end of Soul Calibur 3 Zasalamel succeeded in ending his curse and writing his latest book. What transpired after the events of Soul Calibur 3?

"Dear fellow readers I'am Zasalamel currently released from my curse of not dying permanently, see when you live forever, you can never retire and live the twilight of your years. So remember immortality on this mud ball isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean could you work for eternity no you wouldn't. Anyway after my victory over all the other strong souls and freaks (Voldo this means you) Soul Edge and Soul Calibur cancelled themselves out, yes even Cervantes kicked the bucket but I'll let him live for 30 more years and if he pes me off I'm re-incarnating him as a eunuch's testicles, well that aside now that the joy of life is restored and after my histories(take that I Claudius)became best sellers I'm so rich I'm 16th century counter part of Bill Gates. So I threw the only Soul Calibur after party. And I invited everyone yes everyone including Nightmare who now has his own soul and will eat normal food, but he's still a dck, anyway lets just say something went down at my pad, something so hideous to contemplate I have to start the story now".

Scene 1: Zasalamel's Mansion on some Mediterranean Island that will blow up sooner or later.

Zasalamel is currently licking envelopes to invitations and is sending them all over the world to the cast Soul Calibur 3. He calls his servant Miles.

Zasalamel: "Miles"!

Miles (typical old man butler with suit): "Myes Master".

Zasalamel: "I have the invitations to the party, make sure the couriers deliver them post haste and have all the guest rooms prepared and sound proof".

Miles: "Myes".

Zasalamel thinking (why can't the pompous git learn proper English).

2 weeks later every member of the Cast is arriving, Zasalamel's Mansion is done up pretty nicely, Chandeliers, the finest foods and minstrels, Zasalamel is dressed up in awhite suit going down to his ankles and is holding a staff resembling Kafziel. Miles is at the door greeting the first of the guest.

Miles: "Ahh the first of the masters guests have arrived".

Sophitia: "Hello good sir is this the mans"?

Miles: "Myes and you are Sophitia Alexandra"?

Sophitia: "I'am and these are my two children Pyrrha and Patryklos".

Miles: "Myes".

Sophitia: "And my husband Rothion".

Miles: "Well that's nice".

Cassandra: "And I'm Cassandra".

Miles: "Whatever, please show me the invitations and you may pass".

The Alexandra family passes through, the next guest arrives

Miles looking scared "Mmmyes are you invited".

Astaroth: "here's my invitation and stop wetting your pants, you look bad".

Miles: "Of course good sir and I see you have Lizardman's invitation as well"?

Astaroth: "Yeah he's parking the boat, Yo Lizard get your butt over here"!

Lizardman: "Shut up do you know how many pirates hang out here"?

Miles surprised: "He can talk"?

Lizardman: "Of course I can talk, do you think I'm stupid".

Astaroth: "You said it not me".

Lizardman: "Shut up man".

Astaroth: "Man! Ooh good come back".

Lizardman: "Yes, comeback"?

They go inside and the next guest arrives

Voldo: "Hssssssss"

Miles: "Ok the Lizard can talk and you can't"?

Voldo points to his mouth gag

Miles: "Fair enough go on ahead".

Next guest

Siegfried: "Hello is this the address to the party"?

Miles: "ahh finally somebody normal".

Siegfried: "I was once Nightmare".

Miles: "You're doing that to annoy me aren't you"?

Siegfried: "Yeah I know I'm remorseful but I'm not going to be angsty about it".

Miles: "Just get inside already"!

Next Raphael arrives with Amy

Miles: "Ahh welcome good sir, no let me guess you were once a vampire weren't you".

Raphael: "Oh for crying out loud you get sensitive skin go a bit pale and they call you a vampire".

Amy: "Daddy we did move to Translyvania, or approximately close to it".

Raphael: "Prejudice Amy, pred... You actually completed a sentence"?

Amy: ….

Raphael: "flukes happen".

As they go inside it only gets worse Miles

Nightmare: "Sup homie".

Miles: "Oh dear you're the worst yet".

Nightmare: "Bite me"!

Miles: "I mean your date what is she wearing"?

Tira: "You got a problem bladder boy"!

Nightmare: "Hey its hot and stop staring at my girlfriend, you're just lucky I'm not insane anymore".

Tira: "But I'am".

Miles is really scared as Nightmare and Tira go in.

Olcadan: "Yo"

Miles: "I'm sorry but no pets allowed".

Olcadan punches Miles in the face and goes in.

Ivy: "Alright peasant I can see you soiled yourself so I guess that means all the freaks are here".

Miles doesn't try and stop her

Miles: "Ahh hello er"?

Kilik: "Kilik".

Xianghua: "Xianghua".

Miles: "Please don't hit me".

Kilik and Xianghua go in trying not to touch Miles on the way.

Miles: "Ahh what on earth"?

Maxi: "Hi buddy".

Miles: "And they are"?

Maxi: "Beer kegs for the party".

Miles: "No"

Maxi: "Look don't be upset because you can't hold your beer (points to Miles soaked pants), or anything else for that matter.

Maxi and his Kegs go in Rock appears

Rock: "Don't say anything to anyone else its much quicker that way"

Rock enters after Miles nods

Hwang, Mina Yunseong and Talim show up in a carriage.

Yunseong: "Yo where's the audience"?

Miles: "This is not a High School Formal Sir".

Talim: "Oh look that man's penis is infected with evil I must purify it".

Yunseong: "Touch her and I will make you pee blood"!

Mina: "Couldn't you just use the wind to blow dry it"?

Miles scared of Yunseong "That would be preferable"!

Talim blows the wind and dries up the patch, as they go in Hwang whispers to Miles

Hwang: "That was pathetic no one is scared of Yunseong".

Cervantes shows up

Miles: "Oh dear I thought the worst was over".

Cervantes: "Over? I didn't know it started".

Miles: "M'yes that master has most peculiar friends".

Cervantes: "Friends, that mofo made my Soul Edge useless; I'm so taking him to court".

Cervantes goes in and Li Long arrives

Miles: "Sorry no hobo's"

Li Long: produces invitation and Falcon "Right smartass you can argue with this or this".

Li Long goes in and the final five guests arrive, Mitsurugi, Taki, Setsuka, Yoshimitsu and Arthur.

Miles: "Oh look a blonde Japanese man".

Arthur: "Got a problem pal everyone else does".

Taki: "Oh get over it Arthur you got us as friends and that's what counts".

Setsuka: "Why am I dating the Ninja".

Mitsurugi: "Because you tried to kill me for revenge when your master said not to. Then you and Taki got into the biggest Cat fight over me and I wasn't there despite the fact it was a draw I chose Taki because based on word count she and I had a better relationship".

Taki: "Mitsurugi half of what you said was p off and half of what you said was something to do with Soul Edge, how did we end up together"?

Yoshimitsu: "Because two male and female that hate each other so much, they secretly adore each other".

Mitsurugi: "Can't complain with that wisdom, so Yoshimitsu what are you going to do"?

Yoshimitsu: "Get Voldo drunk".

Mitsurugi: "Why"?

Yoshimitsu: "Ke he he Oh nothing worth noting".

Meanwhile as the five from Japan go inside, the Manjitou are using massive cranes to haul out all the loot from the Money Pit. All of them laughing "Ha ha he he" as they are carrying out their mission.

Scene 2

Now all the guests have arrived and chit chat is taking place as well eating the many appetizers like haggis, caviar, other weird royal food and chocolates galore. Drinks are being randomly served all-round as the guests begin to recognize each other.

Maxi: "KILIK"!

Kilik: "MAXI"!

They both hug and do secret hand shakes and whatever best mates do.

Xianghua: "Ahem remember me"!

Maxi: "Who"!

Xianghua goes red with rage

Maxi: "Just kidding kiddo, hey you're all grown up".

Xianghua: "And it gets better".

Maxi: "Kilik finally took the hint"? Looks at Kilik "What"?

Kilik: "Funny Maxi after all your attempts to get us to hook up".

Maxi: "Ahh memories".

Rock then spots Astaroth and Lizardman.

Rock: "You two"!

Lizardman: "Get over it Rock, that was so four years ago".

Rock: "You kidnapped Bangoo".

Astaroth: "Calm down man after all you kicked his ass, I mean if I'm made after you, you must kick ass".

Lizardman: "At least I didn't get killed hmmm, look Rock no hard feelings it was only business I so quit that job".

Astaroth: "And I destroyed the business so Bangoo is fine now come and have a coldy".

Rock: "Ok since Bangoo's fine and because you're not evil anymore".

Astaroth and Lizardman: "Nice"!

Astaroth: "For Bangoo, cheers"

Lizardman: "Cheers".

Rock: "For BANGOOOOOOOOO"!

Astaroth and Lizardman look at each other and decide its best to keep drinking.

Sophitia recognizes Taki

Sophitia: "Rothion look it's the woman who saved me, Oh Taki, Taki".

Taki: "Mitsurugi look its Sophitia, let's go over and say hi".

Mitsurugi: "who"?

Sophitia and Taki hug and kiss each other, Rothion looks at Taki and Mitsurugi looks at Sophitia.

Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Damn, no wonder everyone thought you were a lesbian"!

Sophitia and Taki still hugging: "What"?

Mitsurugi: "Oh you mean you never heard the rumours".

Rothion: "Yeah carried in the arms of another woman, got your family thinking you know, you're buttered the other side up".

Sophitia: "They went behind my back and told you that".

Taki: "And what's your excuse"?

Mitsurugi: "Well your always uptight so I figure you were"…

Taki: "A lesbian, look we never".

Mitsurugi: "Oh yeah,hey hubby boysince Sophitia is the nice virginal church goer you'd expect her to save herself until the honeymoon, anything suspicious"?

Rothion: "Yeah you didn't even at least flinch you mean you and her".

Mitsurugi: "You're still hugging by the way".

Sophitia and Taki quickly break the hug.

Rothion: "You were going to sneak out with her in the middle of the night".

Sophitia: "No Rothion it's just that the battle with Cervantes, I was restless and Taki removed the shards in such a way in my thigh, then we kissed".

Mitsurugi: "So the healing was more therapeutic than originally thought".

Sophitia: "Rothion I'm sorry, Taki was my, you know first time, but you are better".

Taki: "What, but you were mine and I'm being compared to a man"!

Mitsurugi: "I'd never compare you to a man; she just doesn't appreciate the way you show your love". He then puts an arm over her shoulder.

Taki: "You're so not getting laid tonight; I know right now you have the biggest hard on".

Mitsurugi: "Fine I'll just watch then"!

Rothion: "That's my wife you're talking about, have you no honour"?

Mitsurugi: "And you couldn't stop looking at my girlfriend's ti…er breasts, and your pants aren't as baggy as mine trident".

Rothion all embarrassed: "Oh yeah you only wear baggy pants because you have a lot to hide".

Mitsurugi: "Thanks it is a lot to hide".

Taki and Sophitia: "That's enough".

Taki: "I honestly thought this was the first time you wouldn't start a duel because some guy looked at my pillows".

Mitsurugi: "You had those pillows for the seven years I've known you and not once did I go easy on you, just to get in your pants I mean second skin".

Taki is fuming, Sophitia puts a hand on her shoulder and says: "Taki don't be mad that was actually sweet of him, he was honest and respects your skills all the same, considering what you've been through you're lucky".

Taki snoggs the heck out of Mitsurugi: "We'll you are getting laid tonight, no wait no your not". Looks at Sophitia.

Taki and Sophitia start whispering and giggling

Sophitia: "Boys me and Taki agreed its best to put the past behind us and also best not to let jealousy ruin a friendship, what I'm trying to say is".

Taki: "You can be the audience".

Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Sweetas"!

Taki: "But no touching".

Mitsurugi and Rothion pout.

Voldo and Li Long recognize Cervantes

Li Long: "Pirate I want a rematch"!

Cervantes: "Yeah sure after the par… Voldo what the hell happened to you".

Voldo: "HSSSSSSSS".

Li Long and Cervantes stare at each other and Yoshimitsu strolls over

Voldo: "HSSSSSS"!

Yoshimitsu: "Gentlemen this is not the time for fighting, this is the time for celebrating and what's the nest way to celebrate"?

Cervantes: "Drugs"?

Li Long: "I was going for drugs too".

Yoshimitsu: "Close but no, booze booze and alcohol".

Li Long: "You mean booze"?

Yoshimitsu: "Whatever".

Cervantes: "Alcohol's a drug".

Yoshimitsu: "Less talk more getting smashed".

They walk over to the bar and sit a few stools along Siegfried. Amy then notices Siegfried when she and Raphael approach. Valeria is the bartender.

Raphael: "Hello madam I would like to order whatever your finest wine". Looks over at Amy: "Ahh Amy".

Amy can't get her eyes off Siegfried

Siegfried: "And you are"?

Amy: "Amy".

Siegfried: "That's nice".

Amy: "I like you".

Siegfried: "Must be the hair".

Amy: "No I like you".

Siegfried: "The deep voice".

Amy: "I really like you, catch my drift".

Siegfried: "Yes your perfume is nice".

Raphael: "Alright sicko that's enough she's 16 alright".

Siegfried: "I never intended to".

Raphael: "I'm sure you didn't (sees Ivy), hello".

Ivy: "Hello my Lord".

Raphael: "I'am honoured my lady (kisses her hand)".

Ivy: "Charmed I'm sure, but I need to talk to Siegfried".

Raphael: "On the condition my lady I get the first dance later on".

Ivy: "It would be a pleasure".

Raphael: "T 'wood the pleasure, be mine".

Siegfried: "Wanker".

Ivy smiles and then looks at Siegfried: "Well I'm glad someone of class is here".

Siegfried: "He nearly turned a whole city into evil minions".

Ivy: "Well we can hardly judge him".

Siegfried: "I suppose not".

Ivy leaves him alone and Setsuka joins Siegfried. Setsuka pretends not to notice Siegfried.

Siegfried: "What's your problem"?

Setsuka: "Oh you're talking to me"?

Siegfried: "Yes little miss snob".

Setsuka: "Well excuse me look at me so mysterious and handsome".

Siegfried: "I know you're trying to pick me up".

Setsuka: "You my boy no, sorry".

Siegfried: "Listen woman I know you're only doing this to make your boyfriend jealous".

Setsuka: "Oh Yoshi, no this is only a one off".

Siegfried: "Well since he's pre occupied, tell me abit about yourself".

Setsuka: "Well lets see the other couple I came with, the man killed the only man I ever loved and I've hunted him for vengeance, killing racist Japanese would be rapists along the way because of my mixed heritage, only to give up on my quest, because vengeance solves nothing, beat that".

Siegfried: "I murdered my father in cold blood by accident and went on a demon possessed rampage on and off for seven years".

Setsuka: "Fine you win".

Siegfried: "It's not about winning, why don't we try to be nice then".

Setsuka: "Alright then, we'll try that, bartender more drinks".

Hwang and Yunsung are checking out the scenery and spot a lonely Arthur.

Yunseong: "Hey Hwang check it out".

Hwang: "A European in Japanese armour, yeah his names Arthur crossed blades with him quite good, for a guy who took on my whole ship".

Yunseong: "Took on all of you"?

Hwang: "Yeah Japanese hate foreigners, they looked like they were trying to get rid of him".

Yunseong: "Yeah well I'll challenge him".

Hwang thinking (This ought to be good).

Yunseong to Arthur: "Hey wannabe wanna take on Korea's finest".

Hwang coughing: "Bull".

Arthur: "Alright punk, take your best shot".

Yunseong goes for White storm and then suddenly gets struck by lightning. Yunseong's looks all frizzled (like his second player costume).

Nightmare after seeing Yunseong: " BWAHAHAHA"!

Hwang shakes his head: "Still a rookie".

Nightmare: "Hey that was good, now all you need to do is finish it with a song it'll be perfect".

Yunseong goes for Nightmare and gets hit again

Yunseong: "The pain"!

Talim rushes over to Yunseong: "Oh my poor Yunie"!

Nightmare: "Yunie hahaha now this is getting sad".

Hwang: "Getting? It already was".

Arthur: "He didn't read the invitation".

Seong Mina joins the conversation: "Because he's just a silly kid".

Yunseong: "What"?

Cassandra comes with Pyhrra and Patriklos: "It said genius that anyone who starts trouble gets trouble and speaking of trouble here it comes".

Tira: "Oh look Nightmare your former future hosts".

Nightmare: "Tira"?

Tira: "Yes"?

Nightmare: "NO"!

Tira: "Fine, anyway what happened to look at me I'm frying".

Nightmare: "That's what happens when you start a fight".

Tira: "Really? Hey stupid boy wanna go one on one"?

Yunseong: "Bite me under cleavage"!

Nightmare: "Ah crp here come the premature PMS, Do it Tira you'll end up like him".

Tira: "No I'll restrain myself (goes outside) FCK"!

Nightmare: "She's sexy when she gets mad".

Cassandra covers the children's ears.

More revelry takes place as Zasalamel prepares his welcoming speech.


	2. Chapter 2 Zasalamel's Big speech

Soul Calibur 3 and a half- The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write.

The Disclaimer is in the first chapter go there and read it.

First I'd like to thank all the reviewers who took the time to read and comment on this story it really is encouraging to hear these words. Now let's get over the boring bit and on with the story.

Chapter 2 Begins now.

"Dear Readers, Zasalamel here again, loving my latest masterpiece, if not, not my fault you wasted your life. Some people don't know how precious something is until you lose it. Except your life, because your already dead. Forgive my morbid humour I still have a lot of things that I should have left with my previous lives. Well now we move on to the main event and no there is no matches scheduled. I've already seen to it that nothing gets broken, but with Nightmare, Astaroth, Mitsurugi and Maxi around I bet something will, something always does, bastards. Well enough of this it's time I got this party started".

Zasalamel is admiring himself in the mirror, thinking he's pretty hot. Miles approaches him.

Zasalamel: "Ahh Miles how go the proceedings"?

Miles: "They are going well enough, Master".

Zasalamel: "Excellent, wait do I smell urine".

Miles: "No Master".

Zasalamel: "Which one was it Miles".

Miles: "Astaroth Master".

Zasalamel: "He has that effect on people; poor guy doesn't have many friends".

Miles: "It's because he huge and looks like something that should be in a cage".

Zasalamel: "If I could I'd put more of them in a cage, now get ready to announce me, it is time for my welcoming speech".

Miles: "Don't you mean gloat Sir, hehe"?

Zasalamel: "Keep that up little man I'll be forced to put a collar around your throat and make you Astaroth's bitch".

Miles (holding his crotch scared out of his brain): "Mmmmmyes Master"!

Miles goes to the main hall where the party is taking place. Everyone is getting around and along well with each other (under pain of lightning). No one has gotten fried since Yunseong. The lights start to dim and everyone is confused.

Astaroth: "Lizard see anything"?

Lizardman: "Cats see in the dark mate".

Cassandra: "AAAAAAHHHH"!

Pyrrha and Patryklos: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"!

Nightmare and Siegfried: "Shut up everyone you're ruining the moment"!

Cassandra: "What moment"?

Cassandra gets no answer meanwhile Hualin and Lynette also get scared. They end up hugging the nearest guy who happens to be Maxi.

Maxi: "What the! You better be girls"?

Hualin: "It's just me".

Lynette: "(whimper)".

Maxi: "Nice party trick Zasalamel, Don't worry girls Daddy Maxi will look after you".

Lynette: "What"?

Maxi hugging them both: "What you seem to be enjoying it".

Hwang: "Hey Yunseong punch someone and get some light in here".

Yunseong: "Hey Hwang I know you like your girls manly and all, but would you mind removing you hands from my waste".

Lizardman: "Oooh you just got burned Hwang".

Yoshimitsu: "Don't forget the Mina burning".

Arthur: "Sorry Hwang but that was a good call".

Seong Mina: "Yunseong you're so getting the broom when we get back".

Mitsurugi: "Do you really get slapped around Yunseong"?

Yunseong: "Nah sweeping is all Granny is good at".

Nightmare: "HAAAAAA you're old"!

Tira: "Ahem"!

Nightmare: "Oh sorry".

Rothion: "What are they doing"?

Sophitia: "For my kids sake I hope the lights remain off".

Miles goes to announce Zasalamel but forgets to illuminate the room and ends up tripping over.

Astaroth: "Ahh someone tripped over, if there was light I'd point as well as laugh".

Miles (mumbles): "I swear I'll get the last laugh".

Raphael: "Will someone turn the lights on"?

Miles gets up as the room slowly illuminates and he begins.

Miles: "Ladies and Gentlemen may I introduce the greatest warrior prodigy of all time. The undisputed champion of the Tale of Souls and Swords. The Master of his own fighting discipline. The most handsome ravishing specimen of human flesh to ever cross the ages. The man with the world's biggest dick, what the"?

Ivy: "World's biggest EGO"!

All Soul Calibur Cast: "BWHAHAHAhaha"!

Miles after the laughter dies down: "Myes any way. He is the greatest bestseller of history and literature".

Taki: "The literature must be his exaggerated genetalia".

All Soul Calibur cast: "OOOOOOOH"!

Miles: "My exalted Lord and your host here tonight, crossing the timeline itself Zasalamelelelel"!

Pyrotechnics ascend the stairs and Zasalamel jumps from the floor as the explosions reach the top.

The lights have been fully restored and all eyes were on Zasalamel until curious members of the cast see Siegfried and Setsuka feeling each other up without realizing the lights are back.

Lizardman: "Hey Siegfired way to go son"!

Astaroth: "You rule dude"!

Maxi: "Hook in son"!

Cervantes: "Do it for your country"!

Rock: "Do it for Bangoo"!

Kilik: "Ok you really need to get out more".

Yoshimitsu: "Here's to you mate"! Raises a glass.

Ivy: "You got over her quick"?

Yoshimitsu: "I tried to tell them I already have a girlfriend but they didn't listen".

Ivy: "And what's her name"?

Yoshimitsu: "Kunimitsu(her mask is in the game I'm sure a lot of you have done it)"

Ivy: "Really Yoshimitsu, Kunimitsu are you brother and sister"?

Yoshimitsu: "I could so rob your mansion, you dominating whip carrying whore"!

Ivy: "Oh calm down just a harmless stab, so where is Kunimitsu"?

Yoshimitsu: "hehehehe".

Voldo: "HSSSS"! (Suspicious).

As stated in the previous chapter the Manjitou are looting the butt out of the money pit. And Kunimitsu is the one in charge of this delicate operation.

Manjitou1: "Diamonds".

Kunimitsu: "Check".

Manjitou2: "Stolen artifacts".

Kunimitsu: "Check".

Manjitou3: "Priceless archeological artifacts, that if destroyed would seriously tick off historians in the future".

Kunimitsu: "Yeah melt the muthas down, Check".

Manjitou4: "Lost city of Atlantis".

Kunimitsu: "Oooh nice one, you're so promoted, Check".

Manjitou5: "Ancient vintage we could all get pissed on".

Kunimitsu: "Ok put that in the non charity pile".

Manjitou5: "Why aren't we going to sell it"?

Kunimitsu: "No".

Manjitou5: "But we can't give away that".

Kunimitsu: "Whoever said anything about giving it away"?

Manjitou5: "Oh, I get it".

Kunimitsu(thinking): "I've got to talk to Yoshimitzi about his hiring policies, I mean we'll take anyone, good in the short term but come on".

Back at the Mansion.

Setsuka: "She calls you Yoshimitzi how cute".

Yoshimitsu is clearly in dream land and Voldo is still eyeing him suspiciously. Voldo then catches a glimpse of something horrible, he sees Tira and Nightmare making out on the bar and Nightmare has his helmet off. He actually looks a lot like Siegfried but with reddish spiky hair(much darker than Yunseong's) and a stronger chin, his arm is slowly turning human as well.

Cassandra: "Hey Voldo you're looking more pale than usual".

Li Long: "Yeah are you ok(sees Nightmare and Tira) Oh MY GOD"!

Sophitia: "In the name of Eros' arrows".

Rothion: "And Aphrodite's bosom".

Cassandra: "Avert you're eyes children".

As of now Sophitia's kids are stunned.

Phyrra: "Mommy what is aunt Tira doing"?

Sophitia: "WHAT"!

Patryklos: "Mommy where do babies come from"?

Sophitia(crying): "My poor babies they're growing up too fast"!

Maxi: "Dude get a room".

Rock: "Go Nightmare hit dat…"!

Xianghua: "Rock we do not applaud that, Got it"!

Talim: "I'd purify it but I'm scared".

Amy(crying about Siegfried) "Daddy"!

Raphael: "I know deary brings a tear to my eye as well".

Amy: "How could Siegfried dump me for her"!

Raphael: "Ah yes Siegfried, just keep crying don't look".

Yoshimitsu finally snaps out of his dream: "Seppuku sounds real good at this time".

Mitsurugi: "Ok me first".

Nightmare stops for a moment and looks up: "What"?

Tira: "Nightmare less talk more suck face", "NOW"!

Zasalamel: "If you two horny teens would like to get off my bar and divert your attention to me as you should I can get on welcoming you all".

All turn and look at Zasalamel with their full attention.

Zasalamel: "Thank you, and welcome to the first ever Soul Calibur after party. Here for the first time all the Souls who played a part in the greatest struggle or bitch session over a one eyed sword took place. You are here because out of all the fodder slain during this time, it was all of you who managed stand atop the pile of corpses no doubt many of you contributed to whether you wanted to or not. Tonight we celebrate the end of the madness and my immortality, also the end of our curses. Some of you were once complete monsters, or were just plain stupid, other were completely unworthy, some really just shouldn't have gotten involved at all, while others were too smart for their own good.

Nightmare(Interrupting): "BORING"!

Zasalamel: "And then there's the single biggest pain in the ass I've had deal with".

Olcadan: "Maybe you should stop dropping the soap in the tub"!

Much laughter is heard as Zasalamel is quickly losing patience.

Zasalamel: "I swear I'll stick herbs and bread crumbs where the sun don't shine and stick you in an oven and then I'll serve you to these fools! Any way many of you have had sanity restored and families have been mended. Because I'am a man of grace destroying Soul Edge and releasing you all like the saint I'am".

Cervantes: "My Ass look at my Soul Edge what have you done with it". Pulls out a dead weight of a useless sword that used to be the female Soul Edge.

Cassandra: "Yeah I heard you burnt down that mansion in Toledo and put me on the un-employment line".

Zasalamel: "Don't worry there's always the corner of the next sea port our disgruntled has been Pirate will visit next, on with my speech seeing as there are some people who are thankful for my actions I must thank a few people, well actually myself because really all you're stupid attempts to destroy the sword got you all in more trouble anyway. This get together pays tribute to the brave man who braved countless horrors and death, throughout the ages to vanquish a terrible evil and that man's name is Zasalamel".

Siegfried: "Oh Bulltwang"!

Arthur: "Get over yourself already"!

Taki: "You asshole you caused more trouble that you're worth"!

Seong Mina: "You broke that stone thingy at the temple".

Zasalamel: "Ok that's it I've had enough" Pulls a leaver.

While the rest of the Soul Calibur cast are shouting taunts the familiar sound of giant cog in a clock tower being dislodged and bouncing around can be heard. Suddenly the entire cast is running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. The biggest cog imaginable appears and goes through the cast, turns out it was all an illusion and Zasalamel is in hysterics.

The cast recover and are incredibly mad from the prank that used their new phobia of giant cogs against them. Zasalamel can barely contain himself. However only one member of the cast wasn't affected and that member was Nightmare who is now standing directly next to the laughing Zasalamel.

Zasalamel(laughing): "Oh I wish I could capture that moment, the looks on you're faces are priceless.(Sees Nightmare) What do you want this is my speech"?

Nightmare: "Hi Zas, ah yeah I got to make an announcement".

Zasalamel: "It can wait".

Nightmare: "No it can't".

Zasalamel: "Why"?

Nightmare: "Because I wanted to do this when everyone was here, because I've been such a prick there like the only friends I got".

Zasalamel: "Whisper it to me".

Nightmare whispers in Zasalamel's ear, Zasalamel is disgusted by the request.

Zasalamel: "You have to be kidding me; there is no way, that's just sick".

Nightmare: (pouts)

Zasalamel: "That isn't going to work, but I won't refuse you're request I suppose it is appropriate considering the occasion".

Nightmare: "Sweet (turns to the rest of the frightened cast) Yo everybody shut up"!

Everyone turns around and gives Nightmare their full attention.

Nightmare: "Nice well people first of all I have to thank Zas for putting on a King party, but beside that I have an announcement to make, is it an announcement Zas"?

Zasalamel: "Not really but get on with it".

Nightmare: "Ok well, Tira I need you up here as well".

Tira confused goes up to Nightmare as Nightmare continues.

Nightmare: "Tira you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me since Siegfried Schauffen, who I consider to be my greatest host and was the template that Zas used for my killer body. Sorry Cervantes but you were too independent with that not being controlled and all (Cervantes nods). Anyway ever since I saw that psychotic glint in your eye and your wild mood swings I new I had to feed on your soul. Then Zas showed up and shit hit the fan and I'm human".

Raphael: "Or a close approximation"! (Gets a few laughs but nothing to roll on the floor about).

Nightmare: "That's alright Raph I owned you twice anyway. Tira when I became human I saw the human side of you. And I thought you are one sexy bitch. Then we continued our adventures, who could forget when we gate crashed the Prince of Wales bachelor's party. Or when we went to Spain and closed the gates in the running of the bulls".

Tira: "Those guys were so sore, their tushies all red when they had nowhere to run".

Nightmare: "And when we graffitied the Great wall of China, man were the Ming pissed, the Mongols had a good laugh though. And who can remember when we burned the King's guards hat's in England and they still had to stand there, blasted rain spoiled everything, anyway Tira close your eyes".

Tira closes her eyes and Nightmare gets down on one knee.

Nightmare: "Tira open your eyes".

Tira opens her eyes stunned to see a ring with a diamond set in it sparkling in the light. Tira's eyes glow and all the pain of her childhood and the bird of passage seemed to go away. She had realized the void that consumed her was filled, ever since hearing of the Azure Knight's legend she realized what it was they shared. And since Nightmare became saner so did she, cruel pranks were more fun than killing anyway.

Nightmare: "Tira will you marry me"!

Tira: "Yes oh gosh, yes, yes, yes"!

Nightmare and Tira simultaneously: "I love you"! Tira jumps into Nightmare's arms as they share a passionate kiss. Everyone else is horrified.

Sophitia: "Oh Rothion I'm so happy for them".

Zasalamel: "Ok everybody to the bar quickly"!

Miles: "You're not going to toast them sir"?

Zasalamel: "No I want to forget just what happened".


	3. Chapter 3 Party at Zas' Pad

Soul Calibur 3 and a half The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews.

Disclaimer

Ok you legal Nazis the disclaimer is in the first chapter so go there.

Chapter 3

"Dear Readers King Zasalamel here yet again, well I promised you all something hideous and it happened. For those with a weak stomach don't say I didn't warn you because I did, didn't I. Nightmare proposes to Tira and she accepts. If I wasn't such a dedicated writer I'd vomit all over this page and seek counseling. Because lets face it wouldn't you. Come on imagine the children they'd have I for see a ghoulish grey looking creature with big yellow eyes addicted to raw fish and has a strange gold ring fetish. Oh wait Tolkien already thought that up. But you get the idea they'll have some ugly, ugly children, not to mention dumb".

Zasalamel and all the other Soul Calibur males are begging for more booze after what had just transpired. Finally Raphael speaks up.

Raphael: "Wait, why are we binge drinking like this"?

Zasalamel: "Because Nightmare proposed to Tira"!

Yoshimitsu: "Really I thought getting totally of your face was a fun idea".

Mitsurugi: "I was thinking along the same lines".

Yunseong: "And me".

Lizardman: "Same here".

Voldo: "Hsss".

Hwang: "Now's not too late to agree with the others".

Siegfried: "Speak for yourself"!

Rothion: "Yeah, that pair didn't make your life a living hell".

Maxi: "Living with Sophitia how could life be hell".

Li Long: "Word"!

Cervantes: "I blame my first loss on account of seeing your wife's panties".

Astaroth: "REPEATEDLY"!

All the males beside Rothion laugh.

Rock: "Your wife's undergarments make me wonder where Bangoo came from".

Kilik: "Maxi you need to get him laid".

Maxi: "I know".

Arthur: "I know some fine Geisha, I was married to one".

Rock: "Oh yeah well what about Olcadan"?

Olcadan: "What about me"?

Rock: "When did you last get some"?

Olcadan: "5000 years give or take".

Maxi spits out his beer.

Olcadan: "At least I'm not a 40 year old virgin".

Mitsurugi: "haha he's got a point".

Rothion: "Ok that's enough how many of you are lusting after my wife"?

Siegfried: "Me".

Li Long: "Me".

Cervantes: "Me".

Lizardman: "Me".

Rothion: "Like you could get any scales for a butt".

Lizardman: "I'll you know I was quite the pimp before Hephaestus shafted me".

Astaroth: "Flashback"?

Lizardman: "Hell yes"!

All the guys listen in attentively as Lizardman regales his tales as a man named Aeon Calcos.

Aeon Calcos currently residing in Sparta is getting busy with Mrs Calcos in a Sparta hotel room in the Hotel Thermopylae. Hephaestus is currently at reception.

Hephaestus: "Ahh hello I'm looking for a Aeon Calcos"?

Receptionist: "Yes sir he's currently staying in the Leonadas suite with his wife".

Hephaestus: "Thank you my blessing be on you".

Hephaestus finds the Leonadas suite with a sign reading "Do not Disturb, either sleeping or shagging will only come out when I have the munchies, signed Aeon Calcos". Hephaestus knocks on the door hard. After getting fed up with it Aeon finally answers it.

Aeon: "Hephaestus what are you doing here"?

Hephaetus: "Aeon Calcos of Sparta you have been chosen to go on a holy mission. Your task to find the Dread pirate Cervantes De Leon and destroy his sword Soul Edge, It is an embarrassment to me and all that we stand for. Will you take up this noble and sacred charge"?

Aeon: "Yeah sure, see you in an hour".

Hephaestus knocks again. Again Aeon answers.

Hephaestus: "Aeon".

Aeon: "What I'm busy"!

Hephaestus: "The fate of the world rests in your hands".

Aeon: "I'm sure it does see you in 30".

Hephaestus: "Aeon".

Aeon: "15".

Hepheastus: "Now"!

Aeon: "10 I'll keep my helmet on".

Hephaestus: "Young man you get out here now or you'll be in trouble".

Aeon: "Still pissed off because of Aphrodite"?

Hephaestus: "You dare insult me".

Aeon: "I mean just because Ares shagged her, don't take it out on me".

Hephaestus: "Get out now or I swear Hades will give the soap in the shower torture in Tartaurus".

Aeon: "Fine I'm going".

End Flashback.

Siegfried: "Your married it doesn't count you know".

Lizardman: "Stuff it".

Hwang: "So what happened".

Lizardman: "Well Hephaestus was mega pissed so while he told Sophitia and the others to go west, he told me to go east to the Palgaea shrine and guess what happened".

Voldo puts a hand on his shoulder: "Hssss".

Astaroth: "Man who knew the Gods could be so vengeanceful".

Lizardman: "Asshole"!

Meanwhile the girls are all ecstatic over the fact there is a wedding well most of them anyway.

Phyrra: "Congratulations Aunt Tira.

Patryklos(looking at Nightmare): "Cool you're going to be my unki".

Nightmare: "That's right kid… wait unki"?

Sophitia: "Aunt Tira"?

Tira(hugging Phyrra): "Yes".

Sophitia: "As a representative of the Olympian Gods I'am to offer a congratulations, but I'm so disgusted you're getting the crummiest bread making oven I can find back home".

Tira: "Come on me and Nightmare can babysit".

Cassandra: "No I'm the resident babysitter when Sophitia and Rothion go out".

Patryklos: "But Aunt Cassandra, Nightmare is cool".

Nightmare: "You were right Tira he'd make a great host, sorry kid your lucks out".

Talim: "Oh I've never been to a wedding; it'll be romantic with flowers and wedding cake".

Ivy: "The spew bucket".

Taki: "Good one Ivy".

Nightmare: "Flowers, oh hell no".

Tira: "Only if they are Nightshade".

Nightmare: "You look hot in Nightshade".

Seung Mina: "That's sweet in an evil sort of way".

Nightmare: "AND NOTHING ELSE".

Tira: "WHAT"!

Nightmare: "Boo Yah"!

Sophitia: "Before we continue I have to ask".

Setsuka: "You can't be serious".

Sophitia: "Are you two pure"?

Nightmare: "Evil"?

Tira: "Yes".

Cassandra: "She means virgin".

Nightmare and Tira look at each other, and nod sheepishly yes.

Xianghua: "You're kidding"?

Taki: "Bullshit"?

Amy: "Congratulations, I mean what".

Seung Mina: "You can't be serious".

Xianghua: "Anyway I'm happy for you I'd always wish Kilik would pop the question".

Still at the bar Kilik shudders.

Maxi: "You alright man"?

Kilik: "Yeah my monk intuition is telling me Xianghua wants me to propose as well".

Maxi: "UUghh"!

Kilik: "Exactly".

After getting over the shock of Nightmare and Tira Zasalamel has the stage again.

Zasalamel: "Ladies, Gentleman and freaks if I can have your attention it is time, for the musicians to begin playing so If everyone would like to find a dance partner and prove your not a loser lets begin.

Hualin: "I want Maxi"!

Maxi: "You got Maxi".

Kilik: "Xianghua"? Xianghua takes Kilik's arm excitedly.

Sophitia and Rothion are already out there.

Voldo tries to ask Lynette: "HHHSSSssssSS".

Lynette: "I dunno".

Voldo does his funky dance moves.

Lynette: "Hell yeah".

Raphael goes to Ivy: "Mi lady shall we".

Ivy: "Alright, Mi Lord".

Siegfried sees Amy crying and says to Setsuka: "I better ask her".

Setsuka: "Alright its not like I'll be here long".

Arthur approaches with a rose in his mouth which he forgot to check for thorns.

Setsuka: "Alright, bleeding gums".

Siegfried: "Shall we".

Amy smiles as she gets to dance with her first crush.

Seung Mina has already dragged a reluctant Hwang.

Hwang: "Astaroth, Lizardman save me".

Lizardman: "You're on your own".

Zasalamel extends his hand to Cassandra: "May I".

Cassandra blushes.

Valeria jumps on the bar and starts dancing.

Lizardman: "Looks like no one wants to dance with us Astaroth".

Astaroth: "You know what this means Lizardman".

Lizardman and Astaroth: "MORE BOOZE FOR US"!

They jump behind the bar and gorge themselves on whatever alcoholic beverage they can find.

As the guests are dancing on the floor Yunseong and Talim are in the air thanks to Talim. Voldo gets confident and starts doing to some free style in the middle of the dance floor. He then gestures in Yoshimitsu's direction.

Li Long: "Hey Yoshimitsu I think Voldo is challenging you".

Cervantes: "Yeah you're not going to take that from anyone".

Yoshimitsu: "For the honour of the Manjitou I accept you're challenge".

Yoshimitsu and Voldo use all their eccentric moves if their movesets including Voldo's wheel going to the worm and Yoshimitsu's Meditation spin into the Helicopter. Everyone is impressed and can't decide on a winner, both fighters take a bow.

Raphael: "Most Impressive we've danced to midnight".

Zasalamel: "Well seeing as it is a special night, Nightmare, Tira get over here".

Nightmare and Tira waltz on over.

Zasalamel: "Maestro some slow music if you please, now dim the lights, let us observe the newly engaged couple in their first dance".

Nightmare: "My darling let us bathe ourselves in darkness".

Tira: "Since when was a Nightmare a good dream".

Nightmare and Tira pull each other close and begin the slow dance, this goes on for five minutes, until the pair see Talim and Yunseong at the top still dancing in the air oblivious to proceedings below. Nightmare whispers something in Tira's ear.

Tira: "Oooh that's naughty I like it".

Nightmare smiles and suddenly the rest of the group is stunned as Nightmare flings Tira in the air toward Yunseong and Talim. Tira reaches the pair and yells: "BOOOOOOO"!

Yunseong: "AHHHH"!

Talim: "AHHHH"!

Tira lands gracefully but Talim and Yunseong land on the ground with a THUD!

Nightmare: "Score"!

Tira(Gives Nightmare a high five): "Perfect".

Yunseong: "Ouch, Tira, Nightmare you can be real bastards".

Zasalamel assess' the situation and decides to call it a night.

Zasalamel: "Ladies and Gentlemen thank you for coming tonight was most enjoyable despite an unholy union".

Nightmare: "Hey"!

Zasalamel: "Anyway I'm not letting you all go out into the ocean drunk and off your face tonight I have many guest rooms prepared and when everyone is sobered up we can decide what to do from there".

Everyone follows Zasalamel upstairs to the guest rooms which looks more like a hotel. Of course everyone drunk stumbles in random rooms. Lizardman and Astaroth get into an argument over one bedroom.

Lizardman: "Astaroth this is my bedroom".

Astaroth: "I called it".

Lizardman: "Did not"!

Astaroth: "Did to".

Lizardman: "Did not".

Astaroth: "Did to".

Lizardman: "Did n…".

Astaroth pukes on the bed.

Lizardman: "Ahh you can have the bedroom".

Astaroth: "Nah you called it just now".

Lizardman: "Didn't".

Astaroth: "Did".

Lizardman: "Didn't

Astaroth: "Did".

Lizardman: "Didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't"!

They look at each other and then run out of the room.

Astaroth and Lizardman: "Rock someone spewed on your bed"!

Rock (goes in): "So this is my bed, Oh no"!

Sophitia and Rothion decide it's best to make sure Nightmare and Tira remain virgins before the big night so they make an arrangement.

Sophitia: "Ok Nightmare, Tira since you're both engaged I think you two should wait".

Cervantes (passing): "Why should they you didn't".

Rothion: "We just want what's best for you".

Sophitia: "So tonight we decided that tonight Tira you can sleep with Cassandra and Phyrra and Patryklos".

Phyrra and Patryklos: "Yay Auntie Tira and Cassandra, slumber party"!

Cassandra: "Do I get a say in this"?

Tira: "Come on it'll be fun, besides you can tell the three of us about the birds and the bees".

Sophitia: "Oookay".

Rothion: "So what about Nightmare"?

Nightmare: "Oh I got an idea. Mwuhahahahahaha"!

Later on that night everyone is in their respective rooms. Siegfried can't believe his luck.

Siegfried: "How on earth do I end up bunking with you".

Nightmare: "Dude you gotta lighten up, it's over I'm human".

Siegfried: "I can't believe he based you off me".

Nightmare: "I chose you for one reason (pulls up sheets and looks down) isn't that right big buddy".

Siegfried: "You chose me as your host because".

Nightmare: "You're hung like a horse".

Siegfried: "Just shut up and let me sleep"!

Nightmare: "Hey Siegfried".

Siegfried: "What"!

Nightmare: "I love you".

Siegfried(disturbed): "The hell"?

Nightmare: "I mean as a brother".

Siegfried: "You're not my brother".

Nightmare: "Hey we look alike and since I'm human I might as well have a brother".

Siegfried: "No"!

Nightmare: "Come on"!

Siegfried: "Why should I become your brother".

Nightmare: "Because we had so much fun together".

Siegfried: "You tormented me for seven years, fun it ain't".

Nightmare: "I know you're angry at me, but lets face it you did kill dad".

Siegfried: "My dad not yours".

Nightmare: "And mother I never had a mum".(sobs)

Siegfried: "You really have changed".

Nightmare: "Happens when you become human".

Siegfried: "Ok I'll treat you as a human, so why do you want to be a part of my family"?

Nightmare: "So I can make it up to you and I can start by asking this next question".

Siegfried: "Fire away".

Nightmare: "Will you be my best man at the wedding"?

Siegfried: "What the fuck"?

Nightmare: "Seriously".

Siegfried: "Oh alright".

Nightmare: "Cheers, you're a good mate".

Siegfried: "Mate"?

Nightmare: "C'mon give us a cuddle"!

Siegfried: "Oh alright".

Both Nightmare and Siegfried patch up their differences and have a quick cuddle which Siegfried broke off quickly. And quickly go back to bed.

Siegfried: "Wonder what everyone else is doing"?

Nightmare: "Shagging".

While Nightmare wasn't really accurate remembering their deal Mitsurugi wakes up and prepares to sneak into Rothion's and Sophitia's room, really excited.

Yoshimitsu: "And where are you going with you're pecker in your hand like that"?

Mitsurugi: "Oh off to see the midnight show".

Arthur: "I bet it has to do with Taki".

Mitsurugi: "Arthur you are so right"!

Arthur: "Can I come"?

Mitsurugi: "Sorry man it's a private show".

Mitsurugi leaves the room, Taki snuck out easily due to her Ninja skills.

Taki: "Trust you to have that smile on your face".

Mitsurugi(takes Taki's hand): "Come on lets not keep them waiting".

Taki and Mitsurugi open the Alexandra door and see Sophitia and Rothion waiting for them, Sophitia and Taki wink at each other, Rothion is nervous, while Mitsurugi's smile is plastered to his face.

Sophitia: "Rothion would you like to stand next to Mitsurugi".

Rothion goes over to Mitsurugi while Taki crawls onto Sophitia's bed like a cat purring all the way. This gets both men excited. Both Taki and Sophitia are now on the bed stroking each other, Taki then nibbles on Sophitia's ear and whispers something. This causes Sophitia quiver while Taki kisses her neck Sophitia turns to the boys.

Sophitia: "You know we really need a lot of help, such as scenery so we need you boys to take off your shirts".

Mitsurugi quickly removes his top attire, while Rothion sheepily removes his. Mitsurugi is sporting his tight bodied six pack. And Rothion also has a well toned body of his own.

Mitsurugi: "Good to see you can keep her happy".

Rothion: "I can't believe your condoning this".

Mitsurugi: "If you're so offended why did you agree"?

Rothion sighs, while he watches on while Sophitia and Taki are passionately kissing. Taki then stands on the bed, while Sophitia reclines on the bed pulling her nightie up so her legs and her panties are in full view. Mitsurugi is checking to see if his nose is bleeding, while Rothion is just standing there like a stunned mullet. Mitsurugi gives him a thumbs up. Taki is now standing with her red nightie, Sophitia gets on her kneels and runs her hands on the outer parts of Taki's legs, stands up and pulls the nightie over the top of her head and removes it. Sophitia throws it to Rothion who looks down at it. Mitsurugi is still smiling. Taki and Sophitia descend rubbing each other up while Taki teases the possibility of removing Sophitia's nightie. Sophitia kissed Taki's cleavage and cups her butt cheeks as Taki cheekily smiles at the boys.

Taki: "Not bad eh boys, but we need to know our audience is enjoying the spectacle".

Mitsurugi: "And what a spectacle it is".

Taki: "Sophitia and I would like it more if your pants were removed, so we could see how much you really enjoy the performance".

Within seconds Mitsurugi pulls his string belt and his baggy pants are on the floor. Rothion takes some time in removing his pants he then looks at Mitsurugi.

Rothion: "So it is a myth men from your parts are small".

Mitsurugi: "Mate look at the girls not me sheesh"!

Sophitia is still kissing Taki's cleavage and cupping her buttocks, now Taki has managed to sneak a hand in between Sophitia's legs and is now rubbing her panties. Rothion has his fist in his mouth and Mitsurugi is still smiling. Sophitia starts to moan and she's getting louder and driving both men wild. She stops kissing Taki's cleavage and Taki moves both her hands to Sophitia's buttocks and in seconds removes Sophitia's nightie. Taki then throws it to Mitsurugi who catches it and wears it like a scarf. Taki and Sophitia look into each other's eyes then turn to the boys.

Sophitia: "You know Taki the boys have been well behaved".

Taki: "Yes they have been a great audience".

Sophitia: "You know I'm always fond of crowd interaction".

Taki: "I've always wondered what a married man is like".

Rothion chokes.

Sophitia: "Boys can you follow a script"?

Mitsurugi Nods enthusiastically.

Taki: "So before we remove our bras and panties".

Sophitia and Taki: "You two have to kiss".

Rothion is completely stunned, while Mitsurugi thinks about it.

Mitsurugi: "Ok Rothion take one for the team".

Rothion: "What"?

Mitsurugi quickly grabs Rothion's head and places his hand around his mouth and pretends to passionately tongue that. After a few seconds Mitsurugi releases Rothion. It seemed his ploy fooled the two girls.

Sophitia: "Wow I'm so impressed".

Taki: "Mitsurugi I didn't know you liked to play the Nobunaga, Ranmaru game".

Mitsurugi: "He's Ranmaru".

Rothion: "What"?

Mitsurugi: "Shut up".

Sophitia and Taki get up off the bed, Sophitia goes to Mitsurugi and Taki goes to Rothion.

Sophitia: "Now since you've been such good boys you wait in here".

Taki: "While we remove everything and when you're back".

Sophitia: "It's wife swap, Mitsu get's me".

Taki: "And I get hammered by the blacksmith".

Mitsurugi still excitied shakes Rothion's hand.

Sophitia and Taki push Mitsurugi and Rothion out the door and by door they are in the hallway stark naked unaware they've been had. Taki and Sophitia have locked the door. When the lock was heard they both realized.

Rothion: "I knew it was too good to be true".

Mitsurugi: "Man do I have the biggest case of blue balls".

Rothion: "What to we do".

Mitsurugi: "We cover ourselves and find a place to sleep".

Both men grabs shields to cover their manhood. Rothion picked a spiked buckler while Mitsurugi picked a tower shield.

Rothion: "Oh Mr. Modesty"!

Mitsurugi: "Oh shut up pin prick jockey".


	4. Chapter 4 Meet the mother

Soul Calibur 3 and a half The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write Chapter 4

Again thank you for the reviews.

Disclaimer

If you haven't read the first chapter then do so and you'll see a disclaimer, honestly I'm not repeating it.

Chapter 4

"Welcome back sports fans, hall of famer Zasalamel is back, And to all you horny bastards out there who wanted some girl on girl action. HA HA! No sex for you, really people that's all you think about now isn't it? Sex, sex, sex, sex, Uggh well anyway I have to say I can throw a ripper of a party. But the sleeping arrangements really didn't go to well, I wanted three girls in my room not two, whoops wasn't supposed to mention that. Anyway morning has arrived and it's only going to get worse for Mitsurugi and Rothion".

It's morning in Zasalamel's mansion and Maxi has woken up after a peaceful slumber. Not having a hangover because he can hold his beer. However he wakes up to an unimaginable horror.

Maxi: "WHAT THE FUCK, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM"!

Mitsurugi and Rothion still naked crash out of Maxi's room. After being thrown out by the dandy pirate himself.

Mitsurugi: "Come on man, what's the deal".

Rothion: "We had no where else to go".

Maxi: "I don't know what in fuck's name crawled up your asses but Maxi sees only one penis, Maxi's".

Rothion: "We thought you'd be the most open minded".

Maxi: "Dude knock before you decide to sleep in the same bed as me"!

Mitsurugi: "Maxi lighten up, Taki and Sophitia kicked us out and took our clothes".

Maxi(sudden happy mood swing): "Wait Taki and Sophitia are naked in bed"?

Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".

Maxi: "Together"?

Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".

Maxi: "And they were doing, only what two raving lesbian's would do"?

Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".

Maxi: "Well as the generous and gracious hero I' am I better retrieve your clothes".

Mitsurugi: "What"?

Maxi proceeds to push Mitsurugi and Rothion back into his room.

Maxi: "Ok emergency plan time. Retrieve clothes from aggressive lesbians, you guys take care of the hiding naked in my room thing. I'll take care of this".

Maxi walks on over to Sophitia and Rothion(Taki)'s room.

Sophitia: "Who is it"?

Maxi(big grin): "House keeping".

Taki: "Fuck off Maxi".

Maxi: "Nah really the housekeeper is a mute".

Taki opens the door and Maxi runs straight in.

Maxi: "suckers".

Sophitia: "Trust Mitsurugi, to bribe you to get his gear back by saying we're naked".

Taki: "Hey your honourable husband was in on it too".

Sophitia: "Rothion would never behave like that, he's an honourable man".

Taki: "So honourable he'd watch his wife do it with someone else"?

Maxi(clapping): "Catfight, Catfight, Catfight"!

Taki: "Take the clothes and get out".

Maxi takes the clothes: "I'll be back with the baby oil".

Sophitia: "No just get out of here and make sure no one hears about this".

Maxi begins to leave and peeps behind the door: "Hey girls"?

Sophitia and Taki: "What"!

Maxi: "Great tits by the way".

Maxi runs for dear life and give the boys back their clothes, meanwhile Astaroth is storming to Zasalamel's room extremely pissed off. Lizardman is in hysterics on the floor. Li Long isn't too far behind also laughing.

Li Long: "Lizardman what happened to him".

Lizardman: "Miles smuggled bleach in his bath tub".

Li Long: "And he turned hot pink"?

Lizardman: "Yeah Bwahaha"!

Meanwhile Zasalamel is in bed with Valeria and Lynette sleeping very comfortably. Astaroth pushes the doors open in a fit of rage and scares the two girls awake. Zasalamel is still sleeping like a baby letting his head fall on Valeria's pillows.

Astaroth: "Zasalamel where is your dog raping, soap dropping, tree molesting, little shit stain of your butler".

Zasalamel(slowly waking up): "Uhh what, oh good morning girls, good morning(sees Astaroth all pink) oh I so don't want to be Miles right now".

Valeria: "Wow I didn't think he had the balls to do it".

Zasalamel: "What surprises me is that Miles has balls".

Lynette: "Wow even after you dar..hmmph(Zasalamel quickly covers Lynette's mouth).

Zasalamel: "Quiet, err ah MILES"!

Miles comes rushing to his master's side.

Miles: "Would like breakfast Master"?

Zasalamel: "Miles you have been a good butler, but I cannot exercise the serious injury clause in your contract".

Miles: "Mmwhat"?

Astaroth: "Grrr"!

Astaroth grabs Miles by the head and carries him to Kulutles his axe and twists his body around it like one of his throws, the whole cast is looking on in awe. Astaroth now starts spinning with Kulutles as if he was competing in hammer throw and launches Miles down the stairs crashing into Zasalamel's chandelier a large shattering of glass is heard and Sophitia's kids are frozen in fear hugging Cassandra's legs. Astaroth has a large grin on his face. Nightmare finally breaks the silence.

Nightmare: "I didn't know Golems got PMS".

Zasalamel: "Damnit you all I knew something would get broken, right everyone have breakfast and then I have a proposition for you all".

Everyone is having breakfast very quietly and also wondering what Zasalamel is proposing. Zasalamel is quite pissed and he Cervantes and Raphael are now standing over the injured Miles.

Rapheal: "Now let that be lesson to you".

Cervantes kicks him and they leave Zasalamel to talk with Miles.

Zasalamel: "This is coming out of your salary".

Miles: "Mmmyes Masster".

After breakfast is finished Nightmare is excited because he has an announcement to make.

Taki: "Ok what are you excited about this time"?

Xianghua: "Tira's pregnant"?

Sophitia: "I'm scared".

Cervantes: "Aren't they virgins"?

Yoshimitsu: "You popped her cherry"?

Ivy: "Just spit it out already".

Nightmare: "Everyone last night I announced that me and Tira are getting married"!

Setsuka: "No shit, really must have missed that".

Nightmare: "Shut up call girl, no today I will announce who my best man is".

Everyone goes quiet

Nightmare: "My best man is Siegfried".

Raphael: "Ok how much are you paying him"?

Everyone laughs

Siegfried: "No really I'am the best man".

Nightmare: "And it gets better"!

Siegfried(anguish): "No".

Nightmare: "Me and Siegfried are brothers".

Hwang: "Siegfried what did you drink".

Rock: "Did you get into my bag of leaves".

Seong Mina: "So that's why smoke was coming from your room".

Maxi: "That probably why you can't get it up".

Talim: "I can fix that problem".

Kilik: "I wouldn't I think he's y'know".

Yunseong: "A freak".

Kilik: "Yeah that'll do".

Rock: "You all really hate me"?

Kilik: "Nah it's just you are really scary, more scary than Voldo".

Voldo: "HSSSSSSS"!

Yoshimitsu: "It's a hard truth, I mean do you know your underwear is showing".

Voldo covers up in embarrassment.

Raphael: "So that must mean Siegfried is organizing the Stag party".

Siegfried: "That's right".

Maxi: "I think me and Cervantes should do that, after all pirates throw the best parties".

Cervantes: "Word".

Zasalamel: "I think I should explain my proposition".

Arthur: "You want the stag party here, after all the breakages, sorry Zas".

Zasalamel: "No you see I have perfected time travel and I thought we could have the both bachelor parties in the 21st century, I assure you, you will enjoy yourselves".

Cervantes: "Or we could do that".

Siegfried: "Done great idea".

The decision is unanimous.

Zasalamel: "Very well meet me back here in one year hence and two weeks before the big day. I assure you Nightmare and Tira you'll have a great wedding".

Nightmare: "Kick ass".

Patryklos: "Does this mean Siegfried is going to be our unki too"?

Siegfried: "Ah crap".

Cassandra winks at Siegfried. Siegfried smirks.

Olcadan: "Go for it man she digs you".

Phyrra: "Yeah we played truth or dare and she digs you".

Cassandra(blushes): "Phyrra"!

Nightmare hugs Siegfried: "I'm so damn proud"!

Siegfried: "Ah yeah you can get off now".

Zasalamel: "Now thank you all for being my guests, now get out you've overstayed your welcome".

Lizardman: "Asshole".

The guests have left and Voldo returns to the now empty money pit.

Voldo(thinking): "Hey I thought I had more stuff than this".

He picks up what appear to be a receipt.

Voldo removes his gag: "YOSHIMITSU"!

Yoshimitsu is kissing Kunimitsu in Japan now having a party of his own.

Yoshimitsu: "Amazing Kuni dearest the lost city of Atlantis in my own living room"!

Kunimitsu: "Only the best for my Yoshimitzi".

Mitsurugi: "Man Voldo's gonna be mega pissed".

Taki: "Mitsurugi lets use Atlantis' royal quarters".

Mitsurugi: "Do all things greek get you horny"?

Taki(seductively): "Oh yeah".

Three months later Siegfried is in Ober-Getzenburg escorting Nightmare and Tira to his and his mother's house.

Siegfried: "I can't believe I'm doing this".

Tira: "Nightmare stop jumping around".

Nightmare: "But I'm excited".

Siegfried: "Ok It's bad enough my mother knows I'm a mass murderer, but worse still now my personified alter-ego is now my adoptive brother".

Nightmare: "Biological, Sieggy biological".

Siegfried: "Right just don't scare my mother to death".

Nightmare: "I wonder if she's making scrumy shepards pies".

Siegfried(Irritated): "Mommy never made shepards pies".

Tira: "Does she do a mean barbecue".

Siegfried: "No she doesn't do barbecue".

Tira: "Well what does she do"?

Siegfried: "English scones and tea,mmmm".

Tira: "Fuck off, scones and tea, talk about pansy wusses"!

Siegfried: "Oh well it was better than your attempt at a roast".

Nightmare: "He's got you there precious".

Tira: "What do you mean"?

Siegfried: "Well setting fire to a butcher doesn't exactly qualify and then serving me then butcher instead of the beef".

Nightmare and Tira snicker.

Nightmare: "Bit tough but it was ok, so how's your man Siegfried"?

Siegfried: "You know every marriage has to have a downer and yours is, your future wife can't cook to save her life".

Nightmare: "Ahh Siegfried you might want to..."

Siegfried: "I mean if she can't cook, what can she, what"?

Nightmare: "Tira takes a lot of pride in the kitchen".

Siegfried: "So she takes a lot of pride in being useless".

Fed up with Siegfried's outbursts an enraged Tira kicks Siegfried in the balls as hard as she can and storms off.

Nightmare: "See that's why you wear crotch armour".

Siegfried (in pain): "Shut up"!

Eventually the three make it to Siegfried's house. Siegfried knocks and his mother answers.

Margaret: "Siegfried your home and without a guilty conscience, why are you nervous? Did you knock someone up? Are you gay"?

Siegfried(embarrassed): "Ah mother there is a reason for my visit you see I have someone to introduce to you".

Margaret: "Your girlfriend, gay lover".

Siegfried: "I'M NOT GAY, I'm here to introduce you to your son, Nightmare".

Margaret: "I would have called him Roy".

Tira: "You do I'll gut you".

Siegfried and Nightmare: "That's my mother you're talking to"!

Margaret (teary): "Son".

Nightmare (teary): "MmmMommy"!

Margaret and Nightmare hug for a while Siegfried stands there with his jaw dropped and Tira just looks bored.

Margaret: "Here son I even bought you a teddy bear".

Nightmare receives a 3 foot brown teddy bear and instantly hugs it.

Nightmare (crying): "I have a teddy bear"!

Tira(crying): "I don't have a teddy bear, I don't even have a mommy".

Nightmare hands Tira his teddy: "Here Muffins wants to give you a cuddle, I'll buy you a teddy tomorrow".

Tira: "Can it be pink"?

Nightmare: "It sure can".

Siegfried (Laughing like a hyena): "Muffins he called the bear Muffins"!

Tira is now hugging Muffins, Siegfried is still laughing and Margaret returns with the largest wooden spoon you can imagine and begins whacking Nightmare repeatedly.

Nightmare: "Ow! What the Fuck"!

Margaret: "Don't you swear young man, this is for all the times you haven't been in our family's life and for leading your brother astray, you should be ashamed of yourself"!

Nightmare: "But it was Siegfried"!

Siegfried: "I kinda sent a letter in advance blaming everything on you".

Nightmare: "Ow! You Bum, Ow, cut it out already Ow! I've learned my lesson OW"!

Margaret: "Oh I can't stay mad at you" (hugs Nightmare).

After staying at the Schtauffens for the time Zasalamel told them the entire gang is back at Zas' pad.

Zasalamel: "Now everyone step into the portal and we shall be going to the year 2006 in a place where none of you can cause any trouble".

As the gang step through they emerge in Sydney Australia in the year 2006. Next chapter the repercussions of time travel become only too obvious.

Competition: There will be a competition to decide who will Tira's bridesmaid be for the girls and for the guys the bloke would marry the pair. 4 Tekken characters will be appearing in the bachelor party chapters the first correct guess will be included as a guest appearance.

To enter leave one name in your review or email it to me.


	5. Chapter 5 Sydney Rocks

Soul Calibur 3 and a half The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write Chapter 5

What no reviews oh fine then.

Disclaimer

Some random twang about me not owning anything, cept all of you on Dota oh yeah!

Chapter 5

"Hello everyone Zasalamel here with your tourists guide to Australia. This chapter will not only be about your favourite characters but also wait for it. … Dispelling all the stereotypes about this wonderful country. Yes people I'm going to teach you all how to behave in Australia because there are some things about Aussies that are just not true. That being said Sydney will host the wedding of the Era. Now don't get pissy at me because I didn't pick your capital city London is too wet, Washington is far too dangerous at the moment, Berlin is okay but I heard some sport where you something other than ass is being played there at the moment, Paris is well French. Tokyo is too crowded, Jerusalem I won't even go there. And for the record Sydney is not the capital of Australia, Canberra is but your not supposed to know that believe me its much better that way".

The entire cast is currently in one of Sydney's most famous area's Kings Cross. Sailors will tell you what that is famous for.

Zasalamel: "Well people what do you think"?

Cassandra: "Ooooh that tower looks like a doodle".

Zasalamel: "That's Centrepoint it has a shopping centre".

Ivy: "It does Bye"!

Sophitia: "Seeya come on kids".

Ivy and Sophitia go shopping at Centrepoint.

Zasalamel: "Guys there are some ground rules we have while you have fun in Australia".

Cervantes: "Question"?

Zasalamel: "Everyone".

Cervantes: "I have a question"?

Zasalamel: "WHAT"!

Cervantes: "No need to yell".

Zasalamel: "Don't make me kill you".

Cervantes: "Did we appear in the whore part of Sydney"?

Zasalamel: "Yes".

Cervantes: "Oh happy day"!

Cervantes gallops off to a strip joint.

Arthur: "Are they cheap"?

Zasalamel: "Yes Arthur".

Arthur: "Oh I'm going to get some"!

Zasalamel: "Yah sure you are".

Suddenly everyone leaves and Zasalamel is all alone with Siegfried.

Zasalamel: "Why do I know that this is going to turn out badly"?

Siegfried: "Because you have unleashed a murderer a mass murderer and a lizard on an unsuspecting 21st century".

Zasalamel: "Alright lets go get your brother's stag party organized".

Siegfried: "What to you suggest"?

Zasalamel "Topping the after party".

Meanwhile Maxi, Kilik and Yunseong have all gone to the video game arcade when Yunseong makes a surprise discovery.

Maxi and Kilik are playing some sort of race car game at the moment.

Kilik: "Maxi what's a noob or nub"?

Maxi: "May'be it's you guys are so sexy and much better looking than us acne ridden corpses".

Kilik: "I some how don't think that's it".

Maxi: "Yeah we should have asked them before you knocked them out".

Yunseong comes running toward them excited.

Yunseong: "Guys, guys"!

Kilik: "You found some intelligence"?

Yunseong: "What"?

Maxi: "Don't worry Yunseong nothing you'll ever have to worry about".

Yunseong: "You won't believe what I found".

Kilik: "What did you find"?

Yunseong: "There was this kid with really bad acne and he said hey that sad guy looks like Yunseong".

Kilik(smirks): "Go on".

Yunseong: "And I looked and saw that they were playing and you wouldn't believe what is was called"?

Maxi: "Learn to kick ass the friendly how to guide".

Kilik: "And that would star Yunseong".

Maxi: "Well mine would be making love the very friendly how to guide".

Yunseong: "It was called Soul Calibur 2".

Maxi and Kilik: "Oh".

Yunseong: "What do you mean oh, it has us in it and all the other guys".

Maxi: "Yunseong coincidences happen all the time".

Yunseong: "But".

Maxi: "Just an hour ago some boobjob came up to me and called me an Elvis Impersonator".

Yunseong: "But".

Maxi: "And it turns out there is some dangerously good looking guy that looks like me called Elvis Presley".

Yunseong: "But".

Maxi: "But he died recently so I can't meet him as ask if he's my descendant".

Kilik: "If descendants looked like their ancestors there should be a lot more Maxis running around".

Maxi: "True Kilik now Yunseong if you will shut up we can play Tekken".

Yunseong: "What's Tekken"?

Kilik: "It's a game where pick two people and fight each other".

As they go over to play Tekken a squad of men dressed like the FBI attack the trio quickly and knock them out. They quickly shove them in the back of a black van and speed off. One of them radios: "My Yotoriyama subjects Maxi, Kilik and Yunseong captured".

Maxi, Kilik and Yunseong wake up in a dark hall that is dimly lit. They quickly see everyone pointing accusing fingers at Zasalamel because this was not going to plan.

Setsuka: "Zasalamel what have you done".

Astaroth: "This wasn't supposed happen right"!

Lizardman: "Talk bonehead".

Voldo: "I actually met people weirder than me".

Astaroth: "Voldo now's not the time"!

Voldo: "Why".

Cassandra: "We're busy bashing Zasalamel".

Sophitia fuming is advancing to towards him

Zasalamel: "Sit down Sophitia your alive aren't ya".

Tira: "GRRRRR"!

Zasalamel: "Guys, guys?!(pulls out a pair of glasses) you wouldn't hit a man wearing glasses would you".

Many cast members lay into Zasalamel, but he escapes and now they are chasing him throughout the hall. He hides in the shadows and pulls Rock aside.

Zasalamel: "Psst Rock( pointing in the opposite direction) he went that way".

Rock: "Oh thanks".

As Zasalamel get caught and pounded again Maxi, Kilik and Yunseong awaken and find a meditating Yoshimitsu.

Kilik: "Yoshimitsu what happened".

Yoshimitsu well I was asleep like most of the guys who dragged along shopping. Then these guys in black show up and out go the lights".

Yunseong: "What's going on"?

Maxi: "Don't know but our friend Zasalamel has something to do with it".

Yoshimitsu: "Hey Kilik where are you going"?

Kilik: "Off to hurt Zasalamel".

Maxi: "Why"?

Kilik: "We don't if we will get out of this or not, still you got to have a laugh".

Maxi: "Sweet".

Soon everyone is beating up Zasalamel, then suddenly a spotlight shine on a door and Japanese man appears looking very distressed and angry. No one recognizes him except Zasalamel.

Zasalamel: "Oh SHIT"!

Raphael: "Who is that"?

Zasalamel: "The boss".

Hwang: "What boss"?

Zasalamel: "There's a reason I'm rich in this era too".

The man approaches the cast and they stop the assault of Zasalamel. The man begins to speak.

Hiroaki: "Hello everybody my name is Hiroaki Yoritiyama the producer of the Soul series and yes Zasalamel oh shit indeed".

Seong Mina: "What's this all about".

Hiroaki: "Well Seong Mina".

Seong Mina: "You know my name"?

Hiroaki: "I know all your names".

Talim: "Are you God"?

Hiroaki: "No Talim I' am the producer of the Soul series a game which children and adults play and you are the stars".

Ivy: "And only Zasalamel gets paid"?

Hiroaki: "Yes but that's not the point".

Valeria: "What is the point"?

Hiroaki: "You all must leave this era immediately".

Yunseong: "So it wasn't a coincidence".

Hiroaki: "No, when people began recognizing you my employees swiftly reacted before you could do anymore harm, but I have one question, Zasalamel"?

Zasalamel: "Yes"?

Hiroaki: "Where is Nightmare I assume the histories are correct and he vanished with the swords".

Zasalamel: "It's a long story".

Hiroaki: "I have time, but I'm afraid you do not have eternity".

Zasalamel: "You see sir Tira is getting married and I brought everyone here, to have the wedding in Sydney".

Hiroaki: "You mean Tira is going to married"?

Zasalamel: "Yes".

Hiroaki: "To whom"?

Zasalamel: "Nightmare".

Hiroaki: "Impossible".

Zasalamel: "Well after I ended the whole soul edge thing I reincarnated Nightmare as a human being".

Hiroaki: "You did what"?!

Zasalamel: "Nightmare and Tira are getting married in Sydney in the twenty first century".

Hiroaki: "There is some force or God that is going to allow those two to breed"?

Ivy: "We're as shocked as you are".

Taki: "And disgusted".

Hiroaki: "Zasalamel this wasn't in your histories I paid you good money to keep this whole thing hushed up".

Zasalamel: "I'm sorry sir".

Hiroaki: "And Nightmare is on the loose causing all kinds of mayhem".

Olcadan: "It's horrible I know".

Hiroaki: "And the children they'll have".

Zasalamel: "It's best not to think about it".

Hiroaki: "You have no idea what you've unleashed".

Hiroaki's phone rings and he answers it.

Hiroaki: "Hiroaki speaking".

Phone: "Sir you should turn on the news now".

Hiroaki: "I'm addressing the cast".

Phone: "Good because they should see this too".

Hiroaki pulls out a remote and a huge screen appears and news is turned on.

Newsreader: "Bizarre and shocking scenes at Centrepoint tower today as some crazed young man early to mid twenties has painted on the tower is large letters (Nightmare wants his fiancée back douchebags NOW!). While the police have failed to subdue this immature soul sources say he has been making his way to Namco secret headquarters where several uncanny lookalikes to the Soul Calibur three cast are being held and Hiroaki Yoritiyama. He looks hella pissed".

Hiroaki turned off the screen and calls security.

Hiroaki: "security total lockdown of the entire facility Nightmare must not pass".

Rothion: "That's our Nightmare".

Phyrra: "That's our unki".

Hiroaki: "What the hell"?

Sophitia: "Tira adopted herself into the family".

Hiroaki: "Ok".

Sophitia: "She wants me to give her away".

Tira: "Yeah"!!!

Hiroaki: "Zasalamel do you realize what you've done"?

Zasalamel: "No".

Hiroaki: "You have upset the balance of time".

Somehow bypassing all security measures Nightmare appears in the room directly behind Hiroaki, he moves one finger infront of lips calling for silence he stands behind Hiroaki who is completely oblivious to his presence.

Hiroaki: "And then there's that nutjob Nightmare"!

Nightmare: "WEDGIE"!

Nightmare gives Hiroaki a massive wedgie causing everyone to crack and leave Hiroaki in a lot of pain.

Nightmare: "BOOYAH"!

Patryklos: "Unki Nightmare".

Nightmare: "Sup kid".

Tira: "Nightmare" (runs toward him)

Nightmare: "Come my Venus Flytrap".

Tira: "Kiss me".

Nightmare: "Ok".

Tira and Nightmare engage is long passionate kiss the then to proceed to make out in front of everyone sending shockwaves and causing Hiroaki to spew.

Patryklos: "Aunti Tira and Unki Nightmare are hugging".

Rothion: "Yes son happy thoughts".

Hiroaki: "ZASALAMEL"!!!

Zasalamel: "Yes"?

Hiroaki: "You created this"?

Zasalamel: "I thought it would be appropriate".

Hiroaki: "Appropriate! He's the sixteenth century version of D-Generation X".

Nightmare: "Yo assmunch get over it you took my sugar princess away".

Tira: "Nightmare your tongue is not in my mouth and vice-versa".

Nightmare: "Sorry".

Nightmare and Tira continue to make out.

Hiroaki: "STOP IT YOU FREAKS"!

Nightmare: "Dude do you know what I do to people who piss me off".

Hiroaki: "What"?

Nightmare: "I take their head and shove it down the dunny. And where I come from we don't have a button to flush".

Hiroaki: (gulp).

Nightmare: "So I suggest you like us go right now or I'll set Voldo on you".

Voldo: "I will make you feel special".

Hiroaki: "Ok ok how about we make a deal".

Zasalamel: "Oh please do".

Hiroaki: "You guys can do anything you like but you must leave after the wedding".

Zasalamel: "Oh sir that won't do".

Hiroaki: "It won't"?

Mitsurugi: "We want all expenses paid".

Hiroaki: "Never".

Mitsurugi: "Fine then we'll set Rock on you".

Hiroaki: "What"?!

Rock: "Where do babies come from"?

Hiroaki: "Didn't anyone tell you about the birds and the bees".

Lizardman: "I did but he didn't believe me".

Hiroaki: "What"?

Rock: "Well there's a real size difference between the two Emu's are really big".

Hiroaki: "Alright fine all expenses paid, but after the wedding is over you're all out of here".

Zasalamel: "Deal" (they shake on it).

Tira(whispers): "Hey Nightmare lets go steal his car".

Nightmare(whispers): "And make out in the backseat"?

Tira: "Yes".

Author's note

Well that the end of that chapter the story is still on and the Tekken contest is still on if no one gets it Heaven's Monument will name Tira's bridesmaid. Good luck to you all see previous chapter for details.


	6. Chapter 6 Tira's Hens night!

Soul Calibur 3 and a half The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write Chapter 6

Been a while eh.

Disclaimer

I officially do not own Soul Calibur, Namco, eh screw it you get the drift

Chapter 6

"Oh boo hoo yes I know three fuckin years, yes I know Soul Calibur 4 is out, wanna know what that is, well that's damage control. How you ask? Well do oversized gigantic pixelated boobies give you a hint. Well I for one like them, good job Soul Project, when you can't be innovative give us the titties, I love you all. Well wedding planning is fun and so are bachelor parties. Now I'm leaving the rest of the comments and telling to Ivy because I was not present, so thank you for your patience".

Signed Zasalamel.

"Well now for someone a lot more talented than our over egotistical party host and author. I got this gig for several reasons, but I think Zasalamel's main reason was because of my Soul Calibur 4 costume... yeah. Anyway being the most sophisticated and intelligent member of the entire roster not just the female one I bring you Tira's Hen's night, not to be outdone by the boys(because I'd like to see them try) we decided the most humourous party would be a paintball skirmish... IN SYDNEY. Oh yes we have declared war on anyone not wearing camo. Well the girls and myself are geared up and ready to unleash a world of hurt on all of you".

Signed Ivy.

All the girls are assembled in Sydney and equipped with fully automatic paintball guns. Assisting them is an official referee.

Referee: "Ok girls my name is Joerade so why you are playing we have to lay some ground rules".

All girls(bored as badshit)

Joerade: "First keep your mask on at all times safety first".

Taki: "Boring".

Joerade: "Second listen and obey the ref at all times".

Seong Mina: "Get on with it douchebag".

Joerade: "Finally no shooting the Referee".

Cassandra: "This is officially boring".

Joerade: "If you do not obey the rules you will be subject to a firing squad where your entire team will punish you".

Talim: "So Ivy will be up for it".

Ivy: "I'm so going to make you cry you little skank".

Joerade: "Ok because everyone in the city is not protected shooting them will not result in a firing squad".

Setsuka: "I will now demonstrate the yawnage effect... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN"!!!

Joerade: "Ok who is the lucky lady getting hitched".

Sophitia: "Lucky is an understatement".

Tira jumps up excitedly waving her arms in the air.

Joerade: "Ok the chick on crystal meth, come up here please".

Tira stands next to Joerade smiling sadistically

Joerade: "All right girls the game is tag and all of you are it, but there is a twist. You must tag as many civilians as possible but while you are tagging civilians, Tira will be hunting you, you can defend yourselves, if Tira is hit she can't hit you.

Ivy: "I could have sworn he said no shooting civilians".

What the rest of the cast didn't know was that Tira had a second paintball gun pointed down Joerade's pants aimed squarely at a crevice that only customs officers dare to probe.

Joerade: "All right game on".

The girls disperse quickly except for Tira who is laughing manically.

Tira (shooting both her paintball guns in the air) "Kill, KILL"!

Several girl groups form all agreeing to ditch Tira and hide rather than face her paintball wrath. First Xianghua and Seong Mina head down the street.

Seong Mina: "Xianghua I have a plan".

Xianghua: "What's you plan"?

Seong Mina: "This".

Seong Mina jumps out onto the road in the path of an oncoming Ute (pick up tuck for all you Americans) and flashes the driver. The driver looks all wide eyed in amazement.

Seong Mina: "Xianghua come on".

Driver: "Can I help you girls"?

Seong Mina: "If you let us ride on the back of your.. carriage whatever it is, me and my friend will show you our tits".

Xianghua: "Wait a minute".

Seong Mina glares at Xianghua.

Xianghua: "Yep both our tits".

Driver: "Hop on ladies".

Seong Mina and Xianghua hitch a ride on the back of the Ute.

Xianghua: "Seong Mina whats the point of all this"?

Seong Mina: "A moving target is always harder to hit than a stationary target".

Talim and Amy run off together and search for a place to hide but there is one small problem. The pair have unwittingly wander onto the street where there are strip clubs.

Bouncer: "Hey are you girls over eighteen"?

Talim: "Ah no".

Bouncer: "Thats alright come in anyway".

Talim and Amy enter the strip club, there they observe the happenings of a strip joint

Amy: "Why are the women taking their clothes off".

Talim: "What I want to know is why men are paying for that"?

Amy: "I know back in the slums you'd have to do more than that to earn that kind of money".

Random patron: "It's called a brothel honey, that said get your kit off"!

Club owner: "Perhaps you girls would like a job here"?

Talim looks at the owner with an innocent look. Amy just shoots the owner in the crotch. A random stripper steals the man's wallet

Stripper: "Thanks hun".

Amy: "whatever".

The other girls who ditched the group together meet up back at the starting point, knowing thats the last place Tira would look. Eventually Xianghua, Seong Mina, Amy and Talim make it back. Tira makes it back too frothing from the mouth holding two heavily used paintball guns. Joerade looks impressed too.

Joerade "All right girls good game none of you were tagged, and good game Tira you look like you had fun, But more importantly WHO THE FUCK SHOT ME!"

All the girls burst out laughing

Joerade" That's not funny that stuff really hurts"!

Ivy puts her hand up

Joerade: "All right firing squad"!

Taki puts her hand up

Joerade: " You too"!

All the girls except Tira put their hands up.

Joerade: "Well I can't put you all up for a firing squad".

Tira: "What firing squad I'll do it".

Tira lets a few shots loose and the girls run for their lives. Tira eventually chases them back to the hotel. All the girls end up in Ivy's room and barricade the door with all the furniture they can find.

Tira: "Little pigs, let me in All the boys and girls come out to play on the busy motor way".

Setsuka: "I swear that little hussy is going to get us all killed".

Sophitia: "Speak for yourself at least she didn't terrorise your family".

Cassandra: "We couldn't get a restraining order because the judge got scared of her".

Sophitia: "Actually the judge lost his bowel movements when Nightmare smiled at him".

Tira: "Little pigs Auntie Tira wants to finger your entrails"!

Taki: "We have to do something she's never been that bad".

Sophitia: "I'd like to smack the bitch up".

Ivy: "You really hate her don't you".

Xianghua: "Yeah I thought you were the nice girl who never thinks badly of anyone".

Sophitia: "Look Tira did something to my kids that I can never forgive her for".

Ivy: "Which is"?

Sophitia: "And none of you can understand because you don't have kids".

Ivy: "And that is"?!

Sophitia: "She corrupted my innocent children"!

Ivy: "Oh for crying out loud, what did she do"?

Cassandra: "She taught the children how to swear".

Talim: "Flashback time"?

Cassandra: "Sure"!

Back in suburban Athens the Alexandra family are enjoying Christmas dinner, in laws from both sides of the family are there and the kids are little angels.

Sophitia's Mum: "This is just delicious darling".

Rothion's Mum: "Yes a most scrumptious turkey, my little Rothion is so lucky. Aren't you son"?

Rothion: "Yes mother".

Rothion's Mum: "By the way Sophitia why are all the windows barred it's a bright sunny day and surely the windows need to be opened".

Phyrra: "Grandma Mummy said we can't open the windows or go outside, because Mummy always says that, that fruitcake Tira is on the prowl".

Sophitia's Mum: "Fruitcake, Sophitia"?

Sophitia: "Well mum you see".

Sophitia's Mum: "I didn't raise my daughter to say that about other people didn't I"?!

Sophitia(sighing): "No mother".

Phyrra: "Don't worry mummy your potatoes are fucking tops".

Everyone looks at Phyrra stunned and Sophitia looks like she's about to have a nervous breakdown.

Sophitia(over the top): "GO TO YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT YOUNG LADY"!!!

Phyrra cries as she runs upstairs.

Sophitia's Mum: "Well darling that was overkill".

Sophitia: "Patryklos tell Mummy where your sister learned that"?!

Patryklos: "From Auntie Tira".

Sophitia: "What did you say".

Patryklos: "For fucks sake mum Auntie Tira".

Sophitia: "Where did you learn that"!!!

Patryklos: "Unki Nightmare".

Sophitia graps her son by the head: "What did I tell you about calling them Auntie Tira and Unki Nightmare, there to be called that schizophrenic fruitcake and the nut job"!

Patryklos(crying): "I'm sorry mummy".

Sophitia's Mum: "Who are Tira and Nightmare?"

Cassandra: "Tira was a servant of Soul Edge and Nightmare was Soul Edge and now they are human and sane".

Sophitia: "What was that about them being sane"?!

Suddenly the door opens and Tira and Nightmare walk through, Nightmare has a huge sack over his shoulder.

Tira: "Hello Darlings"!

Nightmare: "Merry Christmas mofos to one and all".

Sophitia's Mum: "Who are these people Sophitia"?

Sophitia: "The schizophrenic fruitcake and the nutjob".

Patryklos: "Unki Nightmare, Auntie Tira"!

Patryklos runs into Tira's arms and asks Nightmare: "Unki Nightmare do you have presents".

Nightmare: "Fuck yeah you little brat here you go".

Patryklos: "Thanks". Patryklos unwraps his present to find a mini Soul Edge.

Nightmare: "See now you can be a berserking murderous freakjob".

Patryklos: "YAYYYY!!!".

Phyrra pokes her out head out her bedroom door.

Phyrra: "Auntie Tira"!!!

Tira: "Merry Christmas Angel".

Tira gives Phyrra a hoop shaped present which is when un-wrapped a Hula-Hoop.

Phyrra: "Thanks Auntie Tira"!

Tira: "We got presents for everyone"!

Sophitia: "Aren't you supposed to be at Siegfried's house"?!

Siegfried walks in with Margaret.

Margaret: "Well Tira met her fiancée's side of the family and so it's only fair that I meet Tira's".

Sophitia: "Since when was she our family".

Tira hugs Sophitia: "Don't deny our love sister, embrace as your kin".

Sophitia pushes Tira off: "Not a chance in Tartarus skank features".

Tira: "Awwww, Nightmare gets to be adopted and he got a teddy bear Sophitia, a teddy bear".

Siegfried: "He called it Muffins".

Nightmare: "Mum Siegfried's making fun of me".

Margaret: "Siegfried you behave yourself young man or you get the wooden spoon".

Sophitia: "I got a big one if you like".

Siegfried/Nightmare: "NO MUM NOT THE SPOON"!

Margaret: "Good boys".

Sophitia: "Right well, since you two psychos ruined Christmas, Christmas is cancelled so everyone get out".

Sophitia's Mum: "Well Sophitia I nev...".

Sophitia: "GET OUT OF HERE ALL OF YOU, OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEADS OFF AND EAT THEM"!

Everyone complies with what Sophitia says, on the way out Nightmare says: "Chick take a chill pill".

Sophitia produces a wooden spoon the size of a zweihander and hits Nightmare through the front door.

Everybody is now outside, listening to Sophitia scream her lungs out.

Margaret: "So off to my place then"? Everyone just picks up and leaves.

Rothion: "Can we please crash for a week, that's usually how long it takes for her to calm down".

Nightmare: "We could get Taki, that'll calm her down".

Siegfried: "You mean get her excited".

Nightmare and Siegfried snigger in unison.

Phyrra: "You mean Mummy's friend Taki who does Yoga and massages with her"?

Cassandra: "Yes that's all they do (To Nightmare and Siegfried) especially if two cheeky boys want to have babies in the near future".

Nightmare/Siegfried: "We'll be good".

Sophitia's Mum: "Who's Taki"?

END FLASHBACK

Ivy: "Hmm, right I got it, Tira hunny the stripper is about to come".

Tira bursts through the door "Whaa No way".

Ivy: "Yes wait right here".

Taki: "You got her a stripper"?

Ivy: "Well Maxi is organising Nightmare's stag party so I thought".

Taki: "Fair enough".

Down the hall of the hotel Ivy and Taki find a Grizzly Bear walking around with a bouquet of roses and a bow tie.

Ivy: "Hmmm I swore I ordered a fireman".

Kuma(bear speak): "Hi I'm looking for Ling Xiaoyu's room".

Taki: "Well he even sounds like a bear; I don't think he's the one".

Talim: "Come quick Tira's getting excited again".

Ivy: "Fuck it you'll do come with me".

Ivy pulls Kuma into the room kicking and screaming.

All the girls are slightly tipsy and are happy Kuma is here to strip for them.

Girls: "Dance, Dance, Dance"!

Kuma does his Russian bear dance that he does in Tekken.

Setsuka: "Take it off I want to see skin".

Kuma just dances faster.

Cassandra: "Start stripping man whore". Cassandra pulls a tuft of fur off Kuma.

Kuma: "RRRROOOAAAR"!

Tira then starts firing paintballs at Kuma.

Tira(maniacally): "Haha dance shake yo booty".

Kuma dances frantically to avoid the paintballs, due to the alcohol the girls are having fun. Meanwhile next chapter the guys are having their party stay tuned.


	7. Chapter 7 Nightmare's Stag party!

SC312 The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write

Disclaimer- I do not own Soul Calibur 3 or any of the characters that are in the game, this is my tribute to a great game. I paid good money for the game and I'm not making a cent from this. (Copy and pasted from first page because I don't give a shit - Zas).

"Pfff! Those girls do not know how to party, but we men know how to have fun. Yes I know several of us appointed ourselves party hosts, so I got the luxury yacht and everyone else got beer. No not imaginative like the girls party but I think ours will be alot better anyway, because we have beer. I know Soul Calibur 5 is almost out, ah well expect an update when Soul Calibur 6 comes out. So anyway the plan is to get totally shitfaced on a boat while playing I'm on a boat non stop, yes its repetive but remember we'll all be drunk. Now this will rock, it will be my greatest party I planned yet, so fellow readers welcome to the stag party of our dear friend Nightmare. (Nightmare was looking over Zasalamel's shoulder as he wrote this and scribbles Matt Damon!). Nightmare piss off!"

The male cast are right next to the pier waiting for Zasalamel to arrive with the luxury yacht.

Yunseong: "Can I hear screaming in the distance"?

Hwang: "And I can hear an evil laugh"?

Voldo: "So Tira and the girls are having fun then"?

Astaroth: "Yup".

Yoshimitsu: "I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but when are we going to have this party"?

Cervantes: "Soon my friend, Zasalamel and Siegfried are setting up the yacht".

Rapheal(Interrupting): "Oh look Kilik is not with his gay lover".

Kilik: "Fuck you frenchie, Maxi told me he was getting the entertainment".

Rock: "Is the entertainment a Sumo"?

Kilik:(irritated and creeped out) "No it is not. Rock, seriously do you even know what a vagina is"?

Rock: "Var...gin...naa.."?

Kilik: "Nevermind".

Mitsurugi: "No Kilik seriously there is a sumo wearing a bow tie and holding flowers".

The sumo Rock and Mitsurugi discovered was Ganryu. Ganryu walks over to the cast.

Ganryu: "Oooh hello fellow tourists what brings you here today"?

Cervantes: "We're here for the stag party of the century".

Everyone else cheers

Ganryu: "Ooh that is so good, I'm here to propose to my love Julia".

Yunseong: "What is this Julia like"?

Lizardman: "Is she hot".

Cervantes: "Would I fuck her"?

Ganryu: "Ha pirate costume wearer Julia has the finest features, a slender figure, big brown eyes, long brown hair, bronze skin".

Cervantes: "Costume wearer"?

Astaroth: "Does she habe big tits"?

Ganryu (drooling): "Not as big as mine, but.."

Kilik (interrupting): "Ok you shut up now".

Yunseong: "Why is Nightmare carrying Rothion over his shoulder"?

As the cast turn to look they do in fact see Nightmare carrying a protesting Rothion over his shoulder.

Rothion: "Nightmare let me go"!

Nightmare: "Shut up pussy nobody is going to miss this party".

Nightmare drops Rothion on the ground.

Raphael: "Besides Rothy your wife is obviously enjoying seeing men more manly than you".

Hwang: "Bullshit, the only thing Sophie wants to see, is more of Taki".

All the boys except Rothion laugh

Yoshimitsu: "True but Hwang aren't you worried about Mitsurugi getting jealous"?

Mitsurugi: "Oh believe me my friend me and Rothion have nothing to be jealous about".

Voldo: "You don't mean you and him...".

Rothion: "NOnonononono"!

Mitsurugi: "No my scary looking fetishist, think carefully me and Rothion have no reason to be jealous" (Misturugi winks).

Yoshimitsu: "I do recall my Manjitou telling me that Taki said all things Greek got her horny so that means".

Cervantes: "Tell us"!

Arthur: "We must know".

Lizardman: "I remember seeing Maxi retrieve your and Rothion's clothes from the Alexandra room".

Li Long: "I'm proud of you two".

Rothion: "Stop that, nothing happened I assure all of you, nothing like that happened"!

Mitsurugi: "Yeah but".

Rothion: "NOTHING"!

Mitsurugi: "No need to yell" (whispers to the rest of the boys) "I'll tell you all about it once he's passed out from one drink".

Hwang: "Awesome".

Just as they finish talking the Yacht arrives. Zasalamel and Siegfried are standing at the at the gang plank.

Zasalamel: "Boys we got a friggin boat"!

Everyone else cheers

Zasalamel: "Now everybody get on and lets get pissed"!

All the boys rush onto the boat.

Rothion: "Nooooo"! "I must be faithful, FAITHFUL"!

Siegfried: "Eh chin up buddy".

All the boys are in the bar. Miles is tending the bar. Zasalamel turns the music on.

Zasalamel: "This party has officially started"!

All the male cast except Rothion hit the bar and start helping themselves pouring the drinks while reaching behind the bar. The Bartender is swated aside by Astaroth after he tries to stop the golem. After 2 hours pass on the yacht, the staff decide its best to let the partygoers get their own alcohol and snacks, especially after Maxi shatters 20 glass pitchers showing the boys that he can juggle while dancing, and by juggling he really is throwing the pitchers against anything that resembles a wall.

All Boys except Maxi cheer.

Maxi standing on the bar: "Alright boys Rothion is clearly out of it, Mitsurugi get your ass up here and tell us about Sophitia and Taki's carpet muching cuisine"!

All Boys cheer as Mitsurugi stands next to Maxi on the bar.

Rothion: "I'm not out it I had barely anything to drink". Falls down with a massive thud.

Hwang: "Fuckin lightweight"!

All the Boys laugh.

Mitsurugi: "All right boys it was after Nightmare proposed to Tira"

Nightmare cheers but no one cheers with him.

Nightmare: "Assholes"!

Kilik: "Shut up I want to hear about the lesbians"!

More cheers are heard.

Mitsurugi: "At midnight I snuck out the room and met Taki in the hallway and snuck into Sophie and Rothy's room".

the cheers get even louder.

Mitsurugi: "Then they start stripping and rubbing each other up"

Rothion gets up off the floor and interrupts :"And theen Taki told him to kiss mhe anhd hte didff". Falls back down on the floor.

The boys look at Mitsurugi and stare with total silence.

Raphael: "I believe the appropriate phrase is... the fuck".

Mitsurugi: "What has he been drinking? Come on guys I'm going out with Taki".

Lizardman: "Oh yeah"!

All the boys cheer.

Yunseong: "What happened next"?

Mitsurugi: "Well we were going to wife swap, but the girls locked us outside and totally cockblocked us".

Rothion gets up again: "And we were nekkid then we jumped in bed with Maxi".

Maxi throws a pitcher at Rothion and it shatters over his head: "Mitsurugi is telling the story fucknut"!

Mitsurugi: "He must have totally gotten into Yoshimitsu's weed".

Voldo: "Now that you mention it that gold diamond encrusted bong does look familiar".

Maxi: "Don't worry boys I caught the girls together the next morning and let me tell you Taki definately doesn't need a bra".

All the boys cheer.

Rothion gets up again: "And Maxi is an asshole".

Maxi: "Shut up Rothy I know one of Sophitia's kids are mine".

Rothion flips him the bird: "Fuck you".

Maxi goes over to Rothion and punches him and again the room goes silent.

Kilik gets up and breaks a stool over Yunseong's back: "BRAWL"!

Cervantes Li Long and Siegfried grab Maxi and drag him across the bar.

Zasalamel calls Miles in and ducks behind the bar. Miles comes in is greeted by Astaroth who takes him outside and ties him to the mast.

Hwang has Lizardman in a headlock but Lizardman turns the tables when he bites Hwang's arm. Hwang retaliates by pulling Lizardman's prehensile tongue.

Arthur goes to punch Nightmare but Nightmare dropkicks him across the room.

Voldo jumps on Yoshimitsu and starts dry humping him: "This is for pinching of the money pit's stuff you asshole"!

Yoshimitsu: "I sold it to a good cause".

Voldo: "Shut up or I take the cod piece off".

Yoshimitsu: ""!

Raphael is hidden behind the bar with Zasalmel sipping a martini.

Astaroth re-enters the brawl and tosses Yunseong out a window onto the deck of the Yacht.

A crowd of yacht workers look at Yunseong who gets up and yells "This party fucking rocks"!

Yunseong looks over to the harbour and sees something that makes him very excited, he races back to the bar and yells: "Hey everybody Ganryu's about to get dumped"!

All of the boys quickly end the brawl and rush out to the deck. Sure enough just in his Tekken 5 ending Ganryu is about declare his love to Julia Chang, and Julia walks away without even listening to the marriage proposal, just then like in his ending the boat floats past and Cervantes hijacks the bridge and blows the horn then the boys unleash on Ganryu.

All the Boys pointing and yelling at Ganryu: ""!

""!(It's really loud).

Cervantes: "Take that Ganryu"!

Yunseong: "YOU GOT DUMPED"!

Hwang: "REJECTED"!

Kilik: "She's out of your league lard ass"!

Maxi: "Ganryu YOU FAT CUNT"!

Astaroth: "CALL WEIGHT WATCHERS"!

Lizardman: "TUCK INTO A SLIM JIM"!

Mitsurugi: "OOOOOOH YEAH"!

Zasalamel pulls out his Iphone and plays Randy Savange's theme through a loud speaker.

Raphael: "Don't worry I'll make sure she feels a real man"!

Siegfried: "AFTER I PORK HER FROM BEHIND WITH MY SPICY TEUTONIC SAUSAGE"!

All the boys laugh and start the brawl except for Maxi, Zasalamel and Raphael.

Maxi: "Zas can I borrow your phone"

Zasalamel: "Why"?

Maxi: "You know that girl Ganryu proposed to".

Zasalamel: "Yes".

Maxi: "She's the stripper".

Zasalamel: "Phones all yours".

Maxi(on phone to Julia): "Where are you, you were suppossed to be giving Nightmare a lap dance an hour ago".

Julia: "Look below you loser".

The three look over the ship and see Julia riding a jet ski waving at them.

Raphael: "Well you hired her so you bring her up".

Zasalamel: "Yeah pirate get cracking".

Maxi: "That's what your mum said".

Zasalamel: "My mother has been dead for millenia".

Julia: "Hey distressed bombshell down here".

Maxi: "Coming babe".

Zasalamel: "We'll announce the stripper".

Zasalamel and Raphael enter the bar avoid all projectiles.

Zasalamel:"Boys take your seats or whatever ones aren't broken, Raphael bring in the pole".

Rapheal presses a remote and a stage with a pole appears, all the boys cheer very excitedly.

Maxi opens the door and leads Julia in with her usual Tekken attire the cheers are now deafening.

Julia takes the mic: "Ok who's getting hitched".

All the boys point to Nightmare.

Julia: "Bring him forward"!

The boys carry Nightmare forward and place him down infront of Julia. Nightmare is very nervous Julia pulls his shirt off.

Julia: "Oooh lucky girl she is, well Happy birthday to you"...

Maxi interrupts: "Take it off"!

All the boys except Nightmare and Rothion: "TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF,TAKE IT OFF"!

Julia takes one of her feathers out and throws it toward Maxi.

Zasalamel: "cocktease".

Maxi: "Tits out, tits out, tits out for the boys"!

All of the boys except Nightmare and Rothion: "TITS OUT, TITS OUT, TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS"!

Julia Removes everything except her thong in one quick motion and start dancing on with the pole after two minutes she licks the pole.

Rothion is peeky through his hands pretending not to look.

Siegfried: "Give him a lap dance". Siegfried throws a bag of gold on the stage.

Cervantes: "Completely nude" Cervantes throws a diamond necklace.

Raphael: "Where did you get that"?

Cervantes: "I'm a pirate".

Julia removes her thong and is completely starkers she then turns around showing her ass to the boys.

Maxi: "Spank her ass Nightmare".

Nightmare gives Julia a little pat.

Astaroth: "Harder you pussy"!

Nightmare spanks Julia so hard she falls over and the music stops. There is awkward silence until Julia puts on some goth music.

Julia purrs: "So you like it rough"!

Julia puts her thong in Nightmares mouth, pulls the elastic and lets it hit Nightmare's face, then gives him a double nipple cripple.

Nightmare: "OWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"!

The Boys cheer.

Julia then starts grinding in Nightmare's chest and starts panting then goes over to Maxi and whispers something in his ear. Maxi nods in approval.

Julia is about climax all over Nightmare, then Kilik interferes.

Kilik: "WAIT"!

The Boys: "WHAT BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"!

Zasalamel: "Kilik get the fuck outta the way"!

Mitsurugi: "Now"!

Kilik: "Boys bare with me".

Boys: "BOOOOOOO"!

Kilik: "Julia would you like to earn a 1000 dollar bonus"?

Julia: "OK".

Kilik: "Could you please turn our boy Rock into a MAN"!

Rock looks nervous.

Julia: "On stage"?

Kilik: "NO! in the captain's cabin will do, Cervantes".

Cervantes throws the keys to the cabin to Kilik. Kilik hands them to Julia and Julia leads Rock to the cabin away from the party. All the boys salute Rock as he leaves.

Maxi: "Whatever you do, don't yell Bangoo it ruins everything".

Rock: "But I love.."

Maxi: "Rock"!

Julia: "Bye guys and Nightmare congratulations"!

Zasalamel :"Gentlemen to wrap up, bring out the ceremonial yard glass".

The Boys bring a yard glass to Nightmare.

Zasalamel: "Nightmare you smell like pussy from here".

The Boys yells in approval.

Zasalamel: "Nightmare in this yard glass is beer, mead, 20 shots of Jager, a vodka cruiser, spiced rum and sparkling mineral water, because Arthur totally misunderstood, Nightmare the world record is 2.5 seconds, can you beat the time".

Raphael: "That alcohol will kill him".

Zasalamel: "I know resurrection magic don't worry its all good".

Nightmare takes the yard glass and begins sculling the contents.

The Boys: "SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL"!

Nightmare finishes and the boys cheer.

Zasalamel: "3.2 seconds close enough".

The boys: "Speech! SPEECH"!

The boys are silent as Nightmare begins his speech.

Nightmare: "LETS GET PISSED"!

The boys cheer and continue to drink.

Next chapter the wedding.


End file.
